Monday, June 29, 2009
Australian wallabies are eating opium poppies and creating crop circles as they hop around "as high as a kite," a government official has said.
From BBC: Lara Giddings, the attorney general for the island state of Tasmania, said the kangaroo-like marsupials were getting into poppy fields grown for medicine.
She was reporting to a parliamentary hearing on security for poppy crops.
Australia supplies about 50% of the world's legally-grown opium used to make morphine and other painkillers.
"Then they crash," she added. "We see crop circles in the poppy industry from wallabies that are high."
For the entire article, click here.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Here is the captain of the American national soccer team currently duking it out in the Confederations Cup, Carlos Bocanegra:
And teammate Benny Feilhaber:
Whuff. I may be a total swimming dork, but even I will admit that soccer players kick the ass of swimmers in terms of overall hotness.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Date: 2008-06-26, 10:36AM CDT
First off, I must say that I admire your courage. It must be hard living in the world today as a lady-beast. Society judges, oh lord do they ever.
With that said, let’s get down to business. Over the past year, we've had a funny sort of relationship, you and I. When I first moved into the place, it was rather peaceful. It was an exciting time in my life, as it was the first time I would be living by myself. Then came the day that I first heard it. What did I hear you ask? It was sound of your hooves galloping across the hardwood floors of your living room. At the time I thought, “No big deal, surely it can’t always be like this.” Oh was I wrong. It turned out that every time I was at home, you would be up there, stomping around, like the wild lady-beast that you are.
After a few weeks, I determined through a process of elimination, that you are in fact, a Minotaur. It only makes sense.
FACT. Minotaurs have hooves, and that’s sure as hell what it sounds like is hitting the floor when you gallop around.
FACT. A Minotaur posses great strength, the kind of strength that can be felt by a guy laying on his couch, trying to get into a good book. The kind of strength that shakes the dishes in his cupboards. The kind of strength that can wake a guy out of a dead sleep, EVERY FRICKIN MORNING. I didn’t even need to set an alarm clock to wake up in the morning. Instead I wake up to THUMP THUMP THUMP. THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP. THUMP THUMP THUMP. I’m not a light sleeper by any means; I sleep right through the viciously loud police, fire truck, and ambulance sirens every night. I was lying there one morning, frustrated, counting the trips you took between your bedroom and your bathroom. 17. 17 god forsaken trips between the bedroom and the bathroom. Really? Are you kidding me? What could you possibly be doing?
FACT. Minotaurs are half bull. Bulls are aggressive when taunted. Apparently, the time I went upstairs, politely introduced myself, and asked you rather nicely to please quit stomping around, was a taunt. That’s when you got aggressive. You called the landlord and told him that I was complaining about your noise. When he told me about this, he said his response to your complaint was, “Quit making so much noise then.” Brilliant. Go Mr. Landlord! I tried keeping him out of this, but you felt it important to drag him into it.
After a few more weeks of you recklessly stomping around, I made another attempt at a civil confrontation. It failed. It failed because you stomped your way to the door, and you didn’t open it when you saw who was standing there. I know this because I heard your hooves clippity-clop their way to the door. Way to avoid confrontation.
To my surprise, the stomping ceased the next day, and I awoke to peace. “Amazing,” I thought, “It must be a midsummer miracle!!” A few days passed, and I ran into my landlord in the entry way. He mentioned that he received another angry phone call from you. Said that you felt threatened by my confrontations, said I scared you. Strange, since not once did I ever raise my voice or try to be anything but civil. He then mentioned that he told you to buy some slippers to wear around your apartment. Genius! It freakin worked!! Hell yea, Mr Landlord! High five!
Fast forward 11 months. The stomping has returned. No doubt in my mind the hooves have worn through the delicate fabrics of the slippers and are now, once again, banging against your hardwood floors.
Please, for the love of sweet baby jesus, run down to the local Target and purchase yourself another pair of hoof mufflers. I know you can run with those strong legs of yours, probably real fast like! Target downtown is all of 10 blocks away. Go Minotaur, go! Overcome the odds, society is watching! (and judging)"
[javier pinon minotaur collage]
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Man dresses up as his dead mother to collect her SS benefits, and manages to pull it off for six years. Click the link to read the full article.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Tyler “cat killer” Weinman, not his class picture but his mugshot. Yes, he's actually smiling.
Who smiles like this in a mugshot???
Not too many details have been released on the crimes themselves but it has been reported that several of these massacred cats were discovered posed. This gross freak of nature posed the poor cats for sick satisfaction...and not in a good way ala my favorite David Shrigley piece:
I really like my mother's suggested punishment of locking him in a cage with a really hungry man eating lion.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
What is going on here? TLC, as far as I know, still stands for The Learning Channel, but their educational content is about as limited as a 1940's Home Economics class. Discovery Communication, founded by John S. Hendricks, owns TLC as well as the Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, and whole bunch of other channels that don't get confused with Oxygen or Lifetime. He's got a Bachelors degree in History from 1974 and an honorary doctorate from University of Alabama which means (1) his education ended in 1974 and (2) he might possibly be a redneck. Exactly what is "Dr." Hendricks trying to teach us with this choice of programming? Is this supposed to appeal to women? Is TLC's name soon going to be changed to GYN? Personally, I could not be more bored by shows involving weddings or children, two things that many, many people can and have done. I could sit around the coffee machine and ask my coworker about her two marriages if this is something I got off on. I turn to television to see something unusual -- especially when I'm watching a channel that's supposed to be educational.
Please, TLC, just let Stacy and Clinton move to another cable network so I can blacklist Time Warner Cable's channel 52 forever, as I do with the Home Shopping Network and other worthless wastes of bandwidth.