Monday, June 29, 2009

Poll Smoker


66% of you said "Aww, hell naw!

and 33% said, "Oh, totally!"

Submit your poll questions to meltallthetigers{at}gmail{dot}com

Stoner Wallabies Make Crop Circles.

Oh, sure; they look cute as hell. Frickin' stoners.

Australian wallabies are eating opium poppies and creating crop circles as they hop around "as high as a kite," a government official has said.

From BBC: Lara Giddings, the attorney general for the island state of Tasmania, said the kangaroo-like marsupials were getting into poppy fields grown for medicine.

She was reporting to a parliamentary hearing on security for poppy crops.

Australia supplies about 50% of the world's legally-grown opium used to make morphine and other painkillers.

"The one interesting bit that I found recently in one of my briefs on the poppy industry was that we have a problem with wallabies entering poppy fields, getting as high as a kite and going around in circles," Lara Giddings told the hearing.

"Then they crash," she added. "We see crop circles in the poppy industry from wallabies that are high."

For the entire article, click here.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

it was a rough week

some "highlights" of the past seven days spawning my current existentialism has me wondering...

...does our immortality end with our physical life?

Certainly not.

God bless America, land that I love...

Just in time for the 4th of July, here's a little dose of national spirit!

Here is the captain of the American national soccer team currently duking it out in the Confederations Cup, Carlos Bocanegra:

And teammate Benny Feilhaber:

Whuff. I may be a total swimming dork, but even I will admit that soccer players kick the ass of swimmers in terms of overall hotness.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

My fave CL best of: To the Minotaur that lives above me.

On occasion the best of Craigslist will be filled with nuggets of passive aggressive gold. This open letter to an upstairs neighbor left me dying. I once lived with a girl who morphed into minotaur at night once everyone went to sleep. Oh how I don't miss those hooves stomping.

" To the Minotaur that lives above me.

Date: 2008-06-26, 10:36AM CDT

First off, I must say that I admire your courage. It must be hard living in the world today as a lady-beast. Society judges, oh lord do they ever.

With that said, let’s get down to business. Over the past year, we've had a funny sort of relationship, you and I. When I first moved into the place, it was rather peaceful. It was an exciting time in my life, as it was the first time I would be living by myself. Then came the day that I first heard it. What did I hear you ask? It was sound of your hooves galloping across the hardwood floors of your living room. At the time I thought, “No big deal, surely it can’t always be like this.” Oh was I wrong. It turned out that every time I was at home, you would be up there, stomping around, like the wild lady-beast that you are.

After a few weeks, I determined through a process of elimination, that you are in fact, a Minotaur. It only makes sense.

FACT. Minotaurs have hooves, and that’s sure as hell what it sounds like is hitting the floor when you gallop around.

FACT. A Minotaur posses great strength, the kind of strength that can be felt by a guy laying on his couch, trying to get into a good book. The kind of strength that shakes the dishes in his cupboards. The kind of strength that can wake a guy out of a dead sleep, EVERY FRICKIN MORNING. I didn’t even need to set an alarm clock to wake up in the morning. Instead I wake up to THUMP THUMP THUMP. THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP. THUMP THUMP THUMP. I’m not a light sleeper by any means; I sleep right through the viciously loud police, fire truck, and ambulance sirens every night. I was lying there one morning, frustrated, counting the trips you took between your bedroom and your bathroom. 17. 17 god forsaken trips between the bedroom and the bathroom. Really? Are you kidding me? What could you possibly be doing?

FACT. Minotaurs are half bull. Bulls are aggressive when taunted. Apparently, the time I went upstairs, politely introduced myself, and asked you rather nicely to please quit stomping around, was a taunt. That’s when you got aggressive. You called the landlord and told him that I was complaining about your noise. When he told me about this, he said his response to your complaint was, “Quit making so much noise then.” Brilliant. Go Mr. Landlord! I tried keeping him out of this, but you felt it important to drag him into it.

After a few more weeks of you recklessly stomping around, I made another attempt at a civil confrontation. It failed. It failed because you stomped your way to the door, and you didn’t open it when you saw who was standing there. I know this because I heard your hooves clippity-clop their way to the door. Way to avoid confrontation.

To my surprise, the stomping ceased the next day, and I awoke to peace. “Amazing,” I thought, “It must be a midsummer miracle!!” A few days passed, and I ran into my landlord in the entry way. He mentioned that he received another angry phone call from you. Said that you felt threatened by my confrontations, said I scared you. Strange, since not once did I ever raise my voice or try to be anything but civil. He then mentioned that he told you to buy some slippers to wear around your apartment. Genius! It freakin worked!! Hell yea, Mr Landlord! High five!

Fast forward 11 months. The stomping has returned. No doubt in my mind the hooves have worn through the delicate fabrics of the slippers and are now, once again, banging against your hardwood floors.

Please, for the love of sweet baby jesus, run down to the local Target and purchase yourself another pair of hoof mufflers. I know you can run with those strong legs of yours, probably real fast like! Target downtown is all of 10 blocks away. Go Minotaur, go! Overcome the odds, society is watching! (and judging)

[javier pinon minotaur collage]

Special Delivery....

Monday, June 15, 2009

cat killer caught

I'm sure this horrid cat killer story has been picked up by National press but these whacked out cat killings are the biggest thing going on in my neck of the woods right now. To get you cubs up to speed: over 19 dead severely mutilated cats have been found in Miami in the past few weeks. Most of these cats have been neighborhood pets and kittens gone missing. Everyone has been freaking out assuming it was some sort of satanic ritual or gang initiation. Older people love jumping to those two conclusions. Anyways, I had a feeling it was going to be some well to do sadistic teenage fucker with too much time on his hands. Well my kitties, I was right. Police arrested this kid who they've suspected was the cat killer for quite some time.
Courtesy of Miami-Dade Corrections

Tyler “cat killer” Weinman, not his class picture but his mugshot. Yes, he's actually smiling.

Who smiles like this in a mugshot???

Not too many details have been released on the crimes themselves but it has been reported that several of these massacred cats were discovered posed. This gross freak of nature posed the poor cats for sick satisfaction...and not in a good way ala my favorite David Shrigley piece:

CAT. Taxidermy, wood, acrylic paint
This whole thing really disturbs me. Not only does this creep live 10 minutes from my parents home but he also graduated from my high school. People are seemingly pleased to have the suspected killer caught but many folks are still defending him saying he was a good kid. I have realized that I clearly don't believe in justice or innocence before proven guilty. I have already convicted this sicko in my mind and I want him to get the maximum sentence for his Dexter-ish cat crimes. Fortunately slick guy over here just turned 18 so he's nice and legal. He'll be some juicy low hanging fruit in jail.
I really like my mother's suggested punishment of locking him in a cage with a really hungry man eating lion.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Mmmmm hmm

Watching her lips move from side to side is strangely hypnotic.

My undying love to Robin from A Bird in the Hand for finding this little treasure.


Friday, June 12, 2009

Another TLC rant

Obviously I had a problem with TLC earlier this year upon learning that the beloved delivery system of one of my favorites, What Not to Wear, was planning yet another gigantor family show. Since then I've noticed a new obsession on that channel: Weddings. It started with Say Yes to the Dress, a stupefyingly boring show shot at Kleinfeld's on 20th Street involving women who don't know what they want to wear for "the most important day of their LIVES!" I have watched exactly one episode of this show, which was the one where the bride-to-be brought along all her gay boyfriends and one of them tried on some of the dresses as well. I love me a man in drag. They also feature Wild Weddings, which is like America's Funniest Home Videos only with a priest and not all that funny, the special "Incredible Weddings" and now, ladies and gentlemen, Masters of Reception.
What is going on here? TLC, as far as I know, still stands for The Learning Channel, but their educational content is about as limited as a 1940's Home Economics class. Discovery Communication, founded by John S. Hendricks, owns TLC as well as the Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, and whole bunch of other channels that don't get confused with Oxygen or Lifetime. He's got a Bachelors degree in History from 1974 and an honorary doctorate from University of Alabama which means (1) his education ended in 1974 and (2) he might possibly be a redneck. Exactly what is "Dr." Hendricks trying to teach us with this choice of programming? Is this supposed to appeal to women? Is TLC's name soon going to be changed to GYN? Personally, I could not be more bored by shows involving weddings or children, two things that many, many people can and have done. I could sit around the coffee machine and ask my coworker about her two marriages if this is something I got off on. I turn to television to see something unusual -- especially when I'm watching a channel that's supposed to be educational.

Please, TLC, just let Stacy and Clinton move to another cable network so I can blacklist Time Warner Cable's channel 52 forever, as I do with the Home Shopping Network and other worthless wastes of bandwidth.

Thank you.

Angry oral

Lest you wonder why Jon from "Jon & Kate Plus 8" strayed.

teenie rawrr

tiny handmade dollhouse
tigerskin rug
yeah, really.

I found this note in the break room at work. Planning to submit this here, but TB gets the first look.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Nude Parachuter

A little bit NSFW:

An oldie but a goodie.

Check out photographer Kenneth Cappello's blog, dedicated to his Chihuahua, Ciccioina. It doesn't get much cuter than this, people. Oh wait, except for this!